First and for most, I would like to greet you a happy mother’s day. 🙂 We both do know that something like this is not a usual gesture for me to do. I’ve never been so vocal or outspoken about how much I appreciate you and all your efforts for me and for our family. You may not be able to read this too since you don’t have any social media account and I’m too shy to let you read something like this too. Haha XD
Ma, I want you to know that, I have always admired you for simply being you. For teaching me that pride shouldn’t matter in times of sibling wars and the like(lol). I honor you for being the awesomest woman I could always look up to. I admit that there were times that I have come to ask myself if I could be someone like you. If I could be as understanding and as patient as you. If I could be as forgiving and as loving as you. In this world full of cruelty, you have remained and stayed as the nicest and the kindness woman I have known. When people do you wrong, you forgive them so easily and love them with the purest of your heart.
I remember those times when I have made wrong decisions in life or the times where I simply chose to do wrong than do what were right and the time when I neglected and gave no effort in my studies, you were there always ready to take the fall and to cover my ass with the things that I did. I know I have disappointed you a few times but you always confronted me with that concern heart of yours. With all the shitty things that I have done, I only got to see you get angry at me maybe once or twice. The rest of it was you showing alot of concern for me about what I did or what happened.
You have always put your needs & wants at the bottom of the list just to prioritize papa, my brothers and me. You never complained how much pain you have felt when you were sick. You have been so strong for us especially for me. I know it was always a challenge for you to pretend that you’re fine in front of us. And it was always a challenge for me to pretend that I’ll be fine if you’re going to leave me. It was a challenge for me to let you see that I’ll be happy even if you’ll leave. And when you did leave, there I was about to break and lose myself. I thought I have rehearsed it every single day of my life when you were still here. As I tried to fulfill my promises to you, there I go again, in a middle of a battle between crashing myself down or holding it all up.
I have thought of many ways of letting go of the pain but the ways that goes into my head are drink that whole bottle of tequila or have a drinking session with my friends and the like. I know those are the things that you don’t like and would make you unhappy. So, after a few days of letting those thoughts stay in my head, I have managed to use you as my motivation to move forward in life.
I have dedicated the remaining college years of my life thinking of you. Ma, you are the reason why I got this far in life. I know before you left, your reason for holding on and for being so strong was me. I concern you the most. I know you’ve needed the assurance of me being okay before you’ve let go of your battle. You wanted to make sure that I won’t get lost in the track of life.
Five years have passed since you left, and here I am ma, winning in the battle of the down side of life. My journey wasn’t easy, I’ve been sad, happy, disappointed, crazy, excited, anxious and etc. Most days for nearly 2 years I felt depressed too. Depressed over something that I did. I almost gave up but, I didn’t. I realized, I shouldn’t waste your effort and love in molding me to become the best person that I can be.
Ma, I know you’ve been constantly watching over me now and I know I got no secrets to hide from you anymore. Please allow me to show my love & appreciation for you by being the best version of me. I know I’m a work in progress but those progressions are for you. I know I can’t repay you physically for all the efforts, patience and for all the love you have shared with me. But please allow me to honor you and show you how much I love you by reaching your dream for you. I know how much you fancy to travel. Ever since, I was a kid you always feel so excited and joyful knowing that a few of your friends are about to go somewhere far and wonderful. I know you’ve been so hopeful for the day that we get to travel together too. Me & you. One place at a time lang ma ha? Your daughter doesn’t earn that much. (haha) I promise you that I’ll take you somewhere new every once in a while. Travelling was supposed to be our thing and I’ll keep fulfilling our thing. ☺️
Happy Mother’s day ma! You are always in my heart and I miss you always.