An open letter to mama

Dear mama,

First and for most, I would like to greet you a happy mother’s day. 🙂 We both do know that something like this is not a usual gesture for me to do. I’ve never been so vocal or outspoken about how much I appreciate you and all your efforts for me and for our family. You may not be able to read this too since you don’t have any social media account and I’m too shy to let you read something like this too. Haha XD

Ma, I want you to know that, I have always admired you for simply being you. For teaching me that pride shouldn’t matter in times of sibling wars and the like(lol). I honor you for being the awesomest woman I could always look up to. I admit that there were times that I have come to ask myself if I could be someone like you. If I could be as understanding and as patient as you. If I could be as forgiving and as loving as you. In this world full of cruelty, you have remained and stayed as the nicest and the kindness woman I have known. When people do you wrong, you forgive them so easily and love them with the purest of your heart.

I remember those times when I have made wrong decisions in life or the times where I simply chose to do wrong than do what were right and the time when I neglected and gave no effort in my studies, you were there always ready to take the fall and to cover my ass with the things that I did. I know I have disappointed you a few times but you always confronted me with that concern heart of yours. With all the shitty things that I have done, I only got to see you get angry at me maybe once or twice. The rest of it was you showing alot of concern for me about what I did or what happened.

You have always put your needs & wants at the bottom of the list just to prioritize papa, my brothers and me. You never complained how much pain you have felt when you were sick. You have been so strong for us especially for me. I know it was always a challenge for you to pretend that you’re fine in front of us. And it was always a challenge for me to pretend that I’ll be fine if you’re going to leave me. It was a challenge for me to let you see that I’ll be happy even if you’ll leave. And when you did leave, there I was about to break and lose myself. I thought I have rehearsed it every single day of my life when you were still here. As I tried to fulfill my promises to you, there I go again, in a middle of a battle between crashing myself down or holding it all up.

I have thought of many ways of letting go of the pain but the ways that goes into my head are drink that whole bottle of tequila or have a drinking session with my friends and the like. I know those are the things that you don’t like and would make you unhappy. So, after a few days of letting those thoughts stay in my head, I have managed to use you as my motivation to move forward in life.

I have dedicated the remaining college years of my life thinking of you. Ma, you are the reason why I got this far in life. I know before you left, your reason for holding on and for being so strong was me. I concern you the most. I know you’ve needed the assurance of me being okay before you’ve let go of your battle. You wanted to make sure that I won’t get lost in the track of life.

Five years have passed since you left, and here I am ma, winning in the battle of the down side of life. My journey wasn’t easy, I’ve been sad, happy, disappointed, crazy, excited, anxious and etc. Most days for nearly 2 years I felt depressed too. Depressed over something that I did. I almost gave up but, I didn’t. I realized, I shouldn’t waste your effort and love in molding me to become the best person that I can be.

Ma, I know you’ve been constantly watching over me now and I know I got no secrets to hide from you anymore. Please allow me to show my love & appreciation for you by being the best version of me. I know I’m a work in progress but those progressions are for you. I know I can’t repay you physically for all the efforts, patience and for all the love you have shared with me. But please allow me to honor you and show you how much I love you by reaching your dream for you. I know how much you fancy to travel. Ever since, I was a kid you always feel so excited and joyful knowing that a few of your friends are about to go somewhere far and wonderful. I know you’ve been so hopeful for the day that we get to travel together too. Me & you. One place at a time lang ma ha? Your daughter doesn’t earn that much. (haha) I promise you that I’ll take you somewhere new every once in a while. Travelling was supposed to be our thing and I’ll keep fulfilling our thing. ☺️

Happy Mother’s day ma! You are always in my heart and I miss you always.

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6 years & 4 months after

March of 2009 during our graduation practices, my friends and I use to imagine events closer to our graduation rites. we would use to exchange imaginations like, what if one of our friends was the valedictorian? how would we feel? or what if during our graduation rites, our crush or one of our crushes would give us a bouquet? how would we even react? almost every practice, we exchange ideas and imaginations. But the most romantic imagination was thrown by me. It happened when the class valedictorian was speaking her valedictory speech (of course, it wasn’t her actual speech. just for the sake of practice.) after delivering her speech, she was about to go down and we applauded her ( for practice sake again). then the light bulb for imaginations lightened up and there i go feeling so in love with my own imagination. I immediately shared what was running on my head with my friends. i told them that “what if we had a boyfriend, and then he happens to be the valedictorian or he happens to have many awards then after the graduation,we would approach our boyfriend and tell him ‘congratulations baby. you did a great job! :)’ then he would reply ‘i wouldn’t could have done it without you’ *hands you over one of his medals and hugs you tight*. and then the next thing I was seeing was the smile on their faces with their “so in love eyes”. YES! it was just our imagination. But! it made us squeal and “gigil” for quite a long time. HAHAHA

Now i know you’re wondering how does that relate to this post…

Last July 26 2015, a similar thing happened to me. Although, it wasn’t the same event with the 2009 imagination thingy and the lines that has been delivered was very different too. What made it similar were, the part where he gave me his medal and that was his only medal for the sports which he and his teammates one 1st place with. and of course, ” THAT FEELING”… I mean that feeling that didn’t just gave me butterflies in my stomach but caught me off guard. I swear It made me speechless and froze myself for a few seconds after reading that text message he sent me. He may not be able to hand it to me on the said time but damn! it felt so good. thinking about it made me realize i never that for how many years, someone will eventually do it to me. I forgot about the 2009 but the 11806428_10207046115133532_489465395_omoment it happened to me. flashback of 2009 was running in my head. the feeling was even stronger than that imagination of mine. it felt really really good. How can somebody so amazing and at the same time so sweet?? uuurgh! caught me off guard every time i replay about it in my head. I must have done something good to be treated like this. sooo kilig! butterflies everywhere. :3 :3 :3 :3

TO YOU:

I Love You. 🙂

It’s for you…

XI-III

koolaidejuice

Roses are red, violets are blue

few months ago, we spent your birthday just me and you.

Your face was amazed by the layers of the cake.

Your smile was so big that it made you look great.

You took a stare at your cake

while I was hoping this would be a good memory we’d make.

As I watch you blew your candles,

I hoped that your year will be as sweet as crinkles. 🙂

Literature Class turned me into a poet-ish me ^^

THE GIRL

koolaidejuice

She wears a big smile on her face,

And walks in campus like a maze.

The dress she wears can make them gaze.

Her aroma and beauty gives her a stunning blaze.

She says “Hello” to anyone she sees,

And everybody looks at her with a bliss.

She brushes her hair with a hand,

While she sings in front with her band. 

19 Sobering Truths About Friendship You Need To Accept In Your 20s

Thought Catalog

1. The people who you thought would be there for you when it counted are not always going to be there. Sometimes because they quite literally cannot be there, other times because they just don’t want to (anymore).

2. The same will go for you – you’re not always going to (want to) be there for people who need you too.

3. Some of your friends will be more successful than you. And you will be more successful than some of your friends. And this will change over time depending on everyone’s life situation, path, and sheer dumb luck.

4. You will feel like people you’ve known for years don’t know you at all anymore (and you don’t know them either). You will also feel like people you’ve met for five minutes just “get you.” And it’ll be a strange, complex feeling you’re not quite sure how to handle all…

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CAPABILITY & FAITH

hello brothers and sisters! 🙂
Allow me to share something that I’ve been struggling to answer. To begin with, we were having our household(a group activity that the CFC-YFC community is doing every month). During households, we say our praises, lift our concerns to the Almighty, and group discussions. The household head gave us 2 questions and share to the group what our answers were. Since we were running out of time, not everybody got the chance to share their answers which includes me. I would like to share what I thought but I was struggling with the right words to say and how would I construct and start my answer. So the household ended with my heart full of words and experiences from which I have learned and which tested my faith in Him a lot. The questions were what is the capability of your God and How’s your faith in God? I’m gonna share to you my answers to the questions.

1. WHAT IS THE CAPABILITY OF YOUR GOD?
It may be cliché to say that God is the most powerful of all but it is inevitably true. He is so powerful that he is capable of basically ANYTHING that happens in Life. From the day we were born till the day that we will die. Yes, it’s in his capacity to end anyone’s life. It is part in his capabilities when he took my mother away from me. He is that powerful that he even left me with no mother. My mother whom I considered my strength and my ally. I was just 20 years old by then. At the age of 20, the world was getting bigger and a lot of road options were opened. So, that age would have been some how the perfect age to ask for your strength to guide you in a lot of life decisions to make. But God chose to take away my ally and my strength. This may be a sad story to read but He is powerful and Capable of what’s going on with me since day one. If I were to describe His Capability based on what’s happening in my life. I would have to say that his Capability is like all the words you can find in the dictionary. Sometimes, we may not like it and fully understand it but someday we’re gonna understand them anyway. His capability may be unexplainable in a single word but His plans for me and you are for our own good.

2. HOW’S YOUR FAITH IN GOD?
My faith in Him is shaken sometimes but despite the strong shakes, it never got broken. In times when He decide to send earthquakes in my life. I get curious and yes I would admit that I get worried too. I may not know what He is up to but I know that my trust in Him will never be broken. The stronger the earthquake, the more faith I have for him. 🙂

FAMILY

SUM OF SIX

koolaidejuice

Six letters and three syllables,

family indeed is the label.

the father is called “daddy”

and the mother is called “mommy”.

Siblings are made of three brothers and a sister.

they comfort each other to feel better.

Brothers protect sister like soldiers,

two  soldiers left to look for quarters.

Mommy wants to go to heaven already

and sister tried to plead mommy to stay.

brothers and sister cried more than a night,

while daddy fought for sadness like a knight.

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