so I have been doing my assignment for almost 5 hours now and I can’t concentrate. There is something so heavy in my heart that I can’t explain. It’s bothering me since I can’t focus and I can’t even read my book because of what I’m feeling. In the middle of doing my assignment, I suddenly cried for no specific reason. Those tears wasn’t enough since I didn’t feel any relief from what I’m actually feeling. I suddenly remembered something that happened in my August 2012. Though my friends say I’m a tough and a “happy” girl but they don’t actually know how much pain I’m still feeling right now. Though I am happy hanging out with them and forever grateful that they have always been there for me since forever. I just don’t talk about the pain that I’m still feeling because I honestly don’t want to ruin the Happiness that they are giving me. When I am with them, they give me the feeling that “I have moved on” but I never told them that when we’re a part and I’m alone, all I can remember is the most painful thing that had happened in my life.
Remembering my mother’s death is making me feel that it just happened the day before or a week ago. No matter how hard I try to remind myself that it was part of my 2012. It’s just hard to move on and let go of somebody who has the greatest impact in my life. She is my protector and she covers up the mess that I have made. She loved me unconditionally despite of our arguments, misunderstandings and me neglecting things that she have said. The funny thing about her is, she doesn’t agree that I look like her, she said that I am prettier than her and smart too. She believes that I am a contrast of her since I do things that she never tried and did before. I am confident and she was not. She was always proud of me. She was somebody who never showed me that she was feeling a lot of pain. Every time I am hurting she felt twice as much pain that I have. She was a fighter, she fought unselfishly, she fought because she knows that when the time comes that she’ll be gone, I’ll have no one else to count on. She had the worst pain ever that even a morphine can’t help her forget about it. She wakes up fighting because of me. I can remember asking her how she was doing and all she gave me was a hopeful response about the future. When we’re alone she would always remind me that when I finish school. I should find somebody who can take good care of me ten times greater the way she did. She would tell me to marry right away so that I will have somebody whom I can lean and love the same way that we were to each other. In the middle of doing something, the memories of me and her just plays automatically. It feels like an alarm clock that would automatically play when you have forgotten about the time or a ticker on facebook that would give you birthday reminders every single day. But in my case, I’m not reminded of someone’s birthday. I’m reminded of the most painful thing that I wasn’t ready to have or the Independence that I never wanted to have. Trust me, I wanted independence too, but not this way, not the way that I will lose my mother.
I don’t just remember her once in a while but I remember her every single night. There was this one night that I almost forgot about what happened and then a friend suddenly asked where my Mama was. I was somehow in shocked about it though I already expected that someday, people will ask me about that. I simply replied “oh! you didn’t know? she is already in heaven.” We had seconds of silence after that. God knows I tried so much to stop my tears from falling and my heart from breaking. But every time I count the months that have passed, time has its ways to remind me of what happened to her. In a few days, it would be AUGUST 2013 and I will be reminded again of what had happened. The exact date of AUGUST 2013 can take me back to AUGUST 2012. I sincerely don’t want to cry so much anymore.
I always ask myself when will I ever get tired from crying over the same thing? When will I stop crying while remembering what had happened? Everyday, I say my prayers and ask for His help to help me get over it. I thought I have surrendered my worries and sadness to Him but unfortunately, I just partly did. Everyday I am hoping that I can free my heart from the pain that I’m still feeling. Sometimes it hinders me from doing things. Feeling the pain can make me think desperately so desperate that it led me to ” If drinking alcohol can take away the burden that I’m feeling, then I could have drunk a bottle of Tequila!” but the truth will always remain, NO DRINKS CAN TAKE AWAY THE PAIN THAT I’M FEELING.
I hope writing what I really feel would make me at ease this time. I hope that when I’m done writing this, the pain would go away.
first thing i did before hanging out was to take a photo of myself 🙂
the first love one that i dated was daddy God, my creator and EVERYTHING. 😀 i dated him alone at sto. nino 🙂
second on the list is to have lunch with them 🙂
great lunch at casa verde 😀 simple and delicious :))))
thanks to my parents for supporting me for food trips that i want.. wohoho! love you mama and papa 😀
what can i say?? i would love to call them my boys since we are that close 😉 they are also somewhat my partners in crime and my buddies! 😀 love these two guys! :))
three of those cupcakes are actually mine..
YEEEEY ME! :))
i love sweets and i honestly couldn’t resist!
thanks to these girls who gave me those 3 cupcakes! 😀
chocolate mallows and mango float cupcake..
I forgot the other one..
absolutely! i did ate all those 3 cupcakes! 😀
meet kuya sj 🙂
we call him kuj 😉
he always treat me food 😀
and he never let me starve 😀
for the rest of the night, we drunk ourselves with beer! 🙂
a rootBEER! 😛
i took this shot! 😀
just want to keep photos with the people i hanged out with during my day 🙂
WHEN: APRIL 13-15 2012
A yearly conference that any YFC is dying to participate.
Save here and spend less there are the ways that I made just to make it to this 3 days conference.
For some people that’s outside the CFC community, it’s just ANOTHER CONFERENCE
but for a YFC? It’s a conference where you can spiritually grow and strengthen your faith with his plans. 🙂
SESSION 1: was all about GOD of ALL Greatness. In this session we were given the best LOVE LETTER that anyone could give. We also had those cute flags so that we can imagine where are we going to serve or to pursue our mission as a YFC. This session is the stage where we missionaries are going to equip ourselves with a greater conviction and a greater heart to take it on and to continue it in perseverance.
SESSION 2: Man of Action/ Woman of Faith. In this session brothers and sisters are separated since there are issues that brothers can’t relate to the issues of the sisters and vice-versa. For us sisters, we purely talked about the differences of men to women. Ate Maan our speaker, shared to us this differences through her research. And what she research were all true. 🙂 and of course i will never forget the “real love waits”
SESSION 3: ALMIGHTY! Our YES propels us into the greater awareness of his greatness in our lives.
Our obedience opens us up to the fullness of our lives through our surrender and faith.
This declaration of obedience and of response to his call will not always be easy but the Lord has always assured his love.
SESSION 4: PROCLAIMING THE ALMIGHTY!!! AND WE ARE READY TO GOO!!!
i can’t honestly remember how i got so attached with these guys.
though i can remember how i knew them. these guys are somehow my classmateor not when we were starting our elementary years.
we weren’t really that close when we were in elementary since we had different circle of friends and best friends.
last year for a high school student and the beginning of our TIGHTENED friendship.
it was in this year when we started hanging out.
we don’t really belong in one section together but our breaks are the same and we spent each lunch break and snack break together.
if you can’t find us in the canteen during snack break then we are probably squatting around in the locker area. doing chitchat and sharing my father’s home made sandwich 😀
call us weird but we ENJOY our lunch under the big tree where cars can pass by. we don’t bring lunch boxes for we enjoy eating lunch in a plastic…
our afternoon snacks would be POSPAS and ROYAL! :)))
we love squatting at the basketball court outside the high school area.we are always the last to go home from school. and when we don’t feel like going home yet. we would rent a motorcycle and do strolling! 😀
MISS THOSE DAYS! :)))
Friendship for me has one law…
“Never make your friends feel they’re forgotten…
So, disturb them as much as you can” 🙂
Making new friends and keeping the old ones.
hello there! 🙂
meet my new found friends. except for one though 😉
we met each other while lining our asses for our enrollment in our new school.
that was the beginning of our friendship 😀 i don’t know why and how we became close to each other but i know that God has a reason why we became so attach with each other. 🙂 i know a few people said that we have to be careful in choosing our friends BUT the heck?! i don’t give a damn about that statement.. 😉 just as long I’ve been a good friend to them and did the best that I could to be their friend then I will be perfectly fine about that. I don’t care what they will do to me (as what i have experienced before) but hey! I will still be there true friend despite any circumstances and might as well, I will remember our good memories despite the pain. 🙂
OH HAAA?? past tense to!
pero PROMISE! 🙂
i will do that again with these cam whores!
love you bebes! :)*
I’m not the Best Photographer, never enrolled to a photography class and to tell you honestly I’m Lower than a novice when it comes to taking pictures. I don’t own any DSLR camera but I find ways to teach and educate myself about Photography. I ask my friends how camera stuffs work and ask them to teach me about “finding the right or perfect angle.”
As a person who likes to take pictures of random stuffs , I would like to share to you few shots that I got and I love. You may not like it since it lack the photography stuffs or whatever. But for me, these photos are worth the shots and worth the share for these photos reveal the real emotions of the subject or my friends. The best shots in life is not really taken from having the most in demand models and photographers in the world but it’s from the real emotions that both the subject and the photographer feels. 🙂
that’s not all of the pictures 😀 😀